


A Crossdressing Flute-Playing Steampunk Hoe and His Role In The Downfall of an Average Guy's Sanity

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/F, Frank is a steampunk flute-playing hoe, M/M, also lynz is steampunk too pls, i don't know how to finish chapters please don't hurt me, it's great really, like 90 percent of them are crossdressers whoops, mikey way is also super into steampunk but he is shit at the flute, weirdest au you'll ever read tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-06-06 07:32:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6745126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank is in the band.</p><p>He plays the flute, wears steampunk clothes, dresses, and is a little too into dogs. </p><p>Gerard is a pretty average guy. Average life goals, average clothes, average grades, average looks. </p><p>He just so happens to be related to a bass clarinet-playing steampunk bitch that is best friends with a crossdressing flute-playing steampunk hoe, who just so happens to make Gerard lose his mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Plastic Knife Murder

~~~~~left to right- frank's, lynz's, jamia's, mikey's, pete's, gerard's~~~~~

 

 _Why can't Mikey just have more normal friends?_ Gerard wonders, for probably the eighth time since his brother's friends arrived. His friends strange group contained about three crossdressers, Mikey included. 

Strangely enough, Mikey seemed to have opted for more masculine clothing.

Or at least, it had seemed strange until he noticed all of Mikey's skirts in the wash and his favourite pair of jeans missing. 

"Jesus, Mikey, can't you take your friends somewhere else? I'm trying to do my science homework," Gerard grumbles. 

"No, dickhead, it's my room just as much as it is yours. Why can't you leave?"

Smacking the back of Mikey's head, shifting Mikey's prescription steampunk goggles ever so slightly, Gerard grabs his homework and gets up to leave. 

"GERARD! That hurt! Apologize!" Mikey complains loudly.

Instead of replying, Gerard simply turns around, wolf-whistling at Mikey's tiny friend- what was his name? Franch? Gerard fingerguns at Franch and gives him a sly wink, then turns around and whips out of the door. 

 

"JEsus Christ Mikey, your brother is hot!" Frank exclaims when Gerard leaves the room. 

"Oh no- don't you- don't you fucking  _dare,_ Iero, I swear, I'll slit your goddamn throat if you ever even  _think_ about my brother's dic-"

"Too late, already did," Frank says, tossing a piece of popcorn into the air, catching it with his mouth. 

Mikey gets up, bursting out of the door and nearly tumbling down the stairs. Reaching the kitchen, he opens the drawer wildly, taking a small moment to bask in the glory of Gerard's slightly shocked expression, before returning to the task at hand. Rifling through the cutlery, he finds a plastic butter knife, holding it up in triumph. Smacking the back of Gerard's head as he runs back, he clonks up the stairs, running through the door, approaching Frank with the butter knife.

Shrieking, Frank backs up slowly so that his back is up against the wall. The rest of the party present look on with vaguely amused expressions. 

 

Looking back down at her phone, Lindsey returns to texting Ryan.

_L: dude, you should totally be here, mikey is about to slit frank's throat bc he thought gerard was hot_

_R: bro dude that's so rad_

_L: what are you a fucking surfer or like a stoner or something_

_R: well technically yes_

_L: you're insufferable_

After seeing Mikey run out of the kitchen with a plastic knife in hand, Gerard is a little shellshocked before realizing he needs to take action. Huffing and pushing his chair up, he heads up the stairs, arms crossed, face stony. Pushing open his bedroom's door, he enters quite the scene. Mikey is forcing the plastic knife to Franch's throat, while Pet and Linseed are taking videos. Jamal is giggling wildly, barely even breathing.

Creeping over next to Linseed, he whispers into her ear.

"Pssst. Hey. Hey Linseed."

"It's Lindsey."

"Whatever. So, care to tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"Frank thought you were hot so Mikey decided that slitting his throat would be the best option."

"Okay, thanks."

Standing up, Gerard glares in the two boys' direction, attempting to look as menacing as possible. 

"MICHAEL JAMES WAY! WHAT IN THE FUCKING HECK IS GOING ON!" Gerard yells, pointing an accusing finger towards Mikey. 

"Well you see, dear brother, Frank here was thinking about your dick, and I just couldn't have that, because you're a pure beautiful innocent virgin child, and so I took it upon myself to slit his throat," Mikey says, as if it was the most normal thing in the world. 

"I am not a fucking virgin, Mikey. I am probably the furthest thing from pure. Dude." 

Rubbing his temples, Gerard sighs loudly. 

"Mikey, give me the weapon of mass destruction, please."

Shaking his head, Mikey pouts and moves to the wall. Advancing, Gerard pounces. Mikey moves out of the way, and manages to get on the other side of Gerard. Reaching for the knife, Gerard manages to lose his balance, and falls backwards. 

Straight out of the open window. 

 

Mikey watches as Gerard tumbles down, his bored expression still managing to be plastered on his face. When Gerard lands with a thump, Frank rushes to the edge of the window. 

"Hey, Gerard, you okay?" He calls down, and Mikey snickers at the crush obvious in his tone. 

"Yeah, yeah, I'm okay Franch. Mikey, you better give me like five waffles or I'm totally telling mom and dad," Gerard, completely hidden by the bush, says. 

"It's Frank, not Franch," Mikey yells, "and sure, I guess." 

"I was wondering what kind of a name Franch was," is heard, barely audible, from below.

Mikey and Frank begin to crack up, rolling on the ground, clutching at their stomachs. 

After Gerard re-enters the house, Mikey speaks up. 

"Should we like, actually start what you guys came here for?" he asks.

"Oh yeah! Orchestra practice!" Frank squeals at an inhuman pitch, making Mikey cringe. 

 

Gerard sighs, abandoning his science homework. He doesn't think he'll be able to focus with Franch on his mind. 

He resigns himself to go back to the room.

Before he opens the door, he hears a beautiful, lively tone being played on the flute. He recognizes this piece, _Con Te Partiro_ , a fairly recent opera piece. He had a solo in this back in choir. Unconsciously, Gerard begins to hum along, and the hum slowly becomes the lyrics, and soon enough full-blown vocals. 

He remembers doing this piece with Brendon, who sang the female vocals, because they couldn't find any girls with a high enough vocal range to sing it. 

 

From inside the room, as Frank plays, he hears a faint voice from outside of the door, what sounds like singing. As he continues to focus on hitting all the right notes, he notices the voice gets longer. He gets to the chorus, and the singing goes full blast. 

Groaning from where he sits, Mikey whines, "why can't Gerard leave us alone like, ever?"

"I don't mind him all that much," Jamia says, shrugging, "his voice is good, too, he could probably do a duet with Frankie on this sometime."

Frank watches out of the corner of his eye as Mikey goes to open the door, and Gerard tumbles in. 

Putting down his flute, Frank watches in amusement and Gerard gets flustered. 

"L-listen, ok, I was just coming up here, right, and I like- heard him playing and I knew it so I started singing right, and like- then you found me out, right, but I'm not spying, so like- don't think I'm some kinda pedophile or something."

"Gerard you are 16 you can't be a pedophile," Mikey sighs, while pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

 

 


	2. Franch Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard finds himself r e a l l y disliking Franch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy oh boy i'm so excited for this
> 
> //HOLDYF CUK OKAY I'M SO SORRY I HAVENT WORKed ON THIS BUT IVE BEEN SO BUSY AND I J U S T GOT MY COMPUTER BACK AND WE'VE BEEN REPLACING THE FLOORS AND I STARTED TAKING GUITAR LESSONS AND I MADE A NEW INTERNET FRIEND (@gerardwayisafuckingprincess #spon go read their shit) AND I GOT A DRAWING PAD AND I FORGOT AND THEN THIS MORNING I BROKE MY FINGER AND THEN STEPpEd ON GLASS I'M SO SORRY I FORGOT ABOU THIS
> 
> OH MY GOD GHTAT WAS SO LONG AGO HOLY SHIT IM SUCH A PROCRASTINATOR OK I THINK IM GONNA MAKE SOME SORT OF SCHEDULE SO THIS DOESn'T HAPPEN AGAIN OK I'M SORRY

    

~~~~from left to right: mikey, frank, lynz, pete, gerard (because im an evil little fuck), jamia~~~~

 

"IT'S TIME TO GET UP, GEE!" Mikey screams in Gerard's ear, dropping his bass clarinet case onto Gerard's stomach.

"Mikey," Gerard says, sitting up, his hair sticking out in all directions, "why the fucking fuck did you drop your fucking asshike slightly lower than normal clarinet on my fucking stomach at 5:45 in the fucking morning."

"It's a bass clarinet, you dickslit, it's a completely different instrument than a regular clarinet and you know it. Now you take that back, you hurt Clementine's feelings," Mikey pouts, stroking his bass clarinet case lovingly.

"You gave... you gave your fucking bass clarinet a name?" Gerard looks at Mikey, eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes. Now get ready, we have 0 period band. Or did you forget?"

"Oh my god, fuck."

Pushing Mikey out of their room, he slams the door shut. Stalking over to his chest of drawers, he pulls the top one open, pulling out random items of clothing. 

_No, this is Mikey's. Also Mikey's. I think that's Franch's?_

"There aren't any fucking _pants_!" Gerard groans loudly.

"Then wear a goddamn skirt!" Gerard hears Franch's voice, muffled by the closed door. 

"No!" He yells back. Fucking Franch. 

"Please?" 

"No! I'm not gonna fulfill your weird skirt fetish!" 

"McFuck you, Gerard."

"Gee, there are some regular skirts in the bottom drawer," Mikey pipes in. 

"Ugh, fine," pulling open the drawers, he rifles through his drawer, finding a navy blue skirt and some tights. He pulls them both on, throwing his grey sweatshirt over his white tshirt.

Grabbing his backpack and violin case, he stalks to the door, throwing it open, only to find Franch and Mikey running around the corner, arms laden with pants. Dropping his violin and backpack, Gerard starts running after them. "IT'S TOO FUCKING EARLY FOR THIS BUT I'LL MURDER YOU ANYWAYS!" He yells after them, only receiving breathless giggles in return.

They all shuffle quickly down the stairs **(A/N no running downstairs kids it's not safe)** and run through the kitchen. Rounding the corner to the bathroom, Gerard sees that they've dumped _all_ of his pants in the bathtub.

"What the fuck!?" 

They both just grin devilishly. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this is really short but i cant bring myself to write long chapters anymore i am Sorry but i will make up to it by posting at least one more chapter this weekend i promis e


	3. Lynz and The Gang (tm) Have a Great Time Teasing Franch About His Weird Skirt Fetish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's literally in the title

((same outfits as last chapter))

 

"Dude, Frank, why do you have a black eye?" Jamia asks, assembling her flute.

Leaning forward in her seat, Lynz plays her trumpet softly in Jamia's ear before slyly grinning and saying, "dude, Gerard punched him because he and Mikey stole all of Gerard's pants so that Frank could see Gerard in a short skirt."

"Oh my god, Frank, do you have a skirt fetish? That's so funny, oh my god."

"I do not have a skirt fetish, Jamia," he grumbles, adding under his breath, "but Gerard's ass does look fine as fuck in that skirt."

All the while, Gerard glares at all of them from his seat, tuning his violin in a way that somehow conveyed his intense anger towards the situation. From the back, Mikey and Brendon, the tuba, giggle about the whole situation. 

Pete leans over to Mikey, fiddling with the slide on his trombone, and whispers in Mikey's ear.

Mikey laughs loudly around his mouthpiece, making a loud honking noise. That just seems to make him giggle even more. The band director shoots daggers at him from where she's shuffling her papers around. 

 

"Dude, Frank, frankly, has a huge skirt fetish. 'Specially when it comes to your brother," Pete whispers in Mikey's ear.

"You made a pun out of Frank's name," Mikey giggles to Pete. 

He puts his mouth back on his mouthpiece preparing to play when Pete leans in to make another witty comment. He laughs around his mouthpiece, and lets out a huge squawk. He and Pete dissolve into giggles, Brendon joining them soon after. The band director glares at the three, adjusting the pieces the band are going to be sight reading today. 

Pete pulls out his phone, typing furiously. Seconds later, Mikey feels his phone buzz.

 

 **petal:** dude lmao this is lit

 **mik:** ik wtf

 **petal:** if ms o catches us on our phones were dead

 **mik:** she isnt gonna catch me bc ill just shove it down brendons bell

 **petal:** dude b r e n d o n would murder u if u did that the tuba is like his child or smth

 **mik:** okok shes approaching  

 

Quickly, Mikey throws his phone into Brendon's bell. Ms. O stalks up to Pete, snatching his phone. Brendon seems stupefied as to why his tuba wont play. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here u go another chapter to make up for not posting a chapter for at least three months im sorry
> 
> and once again,,,, i have 0 skills at ending chapters like a normal person but andyways thank u everyone for reading this or if nobody is reading it thanks i guess anyways


	4. aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> inspired by a true story that happened today because i am Always Tired and Really Bad at Everything (also finding outfits takes so much time im crying actually) (i gave up tryign to find outfits im just gonna describe them fuck it)

Mikey was wearing sweatpants and an oversized Ramones t-shirt today.

 

"Um, hey there, Mikes," Pete says, cautiously. He is concerned. 

 

"Oh! Hi Pete!" Mikey startles, turning around to make eye contact with Pete. 

 

His eyes are bloodshot and almost look like he has to peel them open, and somehow the void has managed to settle underneath his eyes. 

 

"Um, so Patrick forgot his music, he was wondering if you have your music with you?" 

 

Smiling, Mikey fumbles for his case. 

 

"Yep! It's right here, on top of my case," Mikey replies. 

 

He then walks out of the instrument room, Pete looking after him worriedly. As Gerard enters the room to retrieve his flute, Pete leans over to whisper, "hey, is Mikes okay?" 

 

Gerard just shrugs, his jacket falling off one shoulder slightly, "he was under alotta stress last night, and he didn't really get any sleep. It's resolved now, though. Just take it easy, today." 

 

Pete goes to say 'alright,' but before anything can leave his mouth, he hears Mikey shout. 

 

"Oh my god! Patrick! This is not my music, or my case! I don't have the music, oh my god I'm sorry, I'm a big fat liar. This isn't even a bass clarinet case, it's a tenor sax case! Oh my god, what am I doing, how did I do this, oh my god. Ryan, I'm sorry, I took your instrument, here, have it back, oh my god."

**Author's Note:**

> why the fuck did i make this i don't know don't sue me please ah
> 
> idk why i even made them the instruments that they are but gerard looks like a violin let's be real he has a violin attitude i mean 
> 
> mikey seems more like a french horn than a bass clarinet but i love the bass clarinet the bass clarinet is my child and mikey is my child so my two children


End file.
